Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Follow Up

Well I've put some real thought into it. I told you I would. If you're a little confused I'm talking about the "I Suck...get your mind outta the gutter ;)" post from a month ago.

If I push you pull and if you pull I can blame you for it. Makes it easier for me to shut down. I've shut down twice before in my life and I'm real close to the third. Emotional shut downs last years for me so I'm afraid. I'm trying to stop it from happening. There are a few of you who are helping me but I feel as if it's inevitable. I've never actually tried to stop it before so maybe it's supposed to be this hard. The person who brought me out of the last one has kept me from it thus far, he's given up on me so I may not be able to find the strength to do it anymore or maybe this loss will help me find some inner strength I don't know I have. Only time will tell.

It's not so black and white anymore because the situation has a few other shades of gray in it now but as far as the pushing goes I think I understand it.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Be careful, cuz sometimes push ends in shoving, and whatever you're pulling on ends up tearing. In the end sometimes u just gotta say to yourself, maybe I should stop being the monkey in the middle. All this pushing and pulling, sometimes it's better to be a yo-yo -- you know when you reach the bottom you gotta go back up to the top.


3:02 AM  

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