Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Open Door

Don't cry to me
If you loved me
You would be here with me
You want me
Come find me
Make up your mind

Should have let you fall
Lose it all
So maybe you can remember yourself
Can't keep believing we're only deceiving ourselves
And I'm sick of the lie
And you're too late

Don't cry to me
If you loved me
You would be here with me
You want me
Come find me
Make up your mind

Couldn't take the blame
Sick with shame
Must be exhausting to lose your own game
Selfishly hated
No wonder you're jaded
You can't play the victim this time
And you're too late

So don't cry to me
If you loved me
You would be here with me
You want me
Come find me
Make up your mind

You never call me when you're sober
You only want it cause it's over - It's over
How could I have burned paradise
How could I - You were never mine

So don't cry to me
If you loved me
You would be here with me
Don't lie to me
Just get your things
I've made up your mind

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Loss across the lines

A very dear friend of mine lost his father this weekend. It was very sudden and unexpected which makes it all the more difficult. I am not there to be with him during this time of great sorrow but my heart and thoughts go out to him and his family. Sadly, it is when something like this happens that we usually find ourselves reflecting....

As I type this I'm still contemplating the meaning of friendship, family and love. "Real life" friends, what exactly are they? Well, I suppose it means they are friends we can see and touch everyday if we wanted to; but are the friendships we make online less valuable, do they mean less because we can't see them or touch them? I don't think so but there are some who do. I have several online friends and like real life friends the bond between them varies. The way I love and care for them doesn't change because they don't live in Chicago though, they aren't less in my heart. I've met some of my online friends and others I have not but meeting them isn't what made them "real life" to me, because they were already that. If they weren't then all I'd have is "fake life" friends right? What is sad is that I've made online friendships that I thought were as real as it gets and they weren't. The feelings inside me were...but I digress, we live and learn.

My friend, the one I'm speaking of, I've never met in real life. That fact doesn't change how much I care about him or how deep his pain my heart is feeling for his loss.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Now let's eat cake!



Happy Birthday Cleo, I'm sure you don't read this but your mom does so she'll pass on the hugs.



Happy Birthday Rae, I know you're not feeling well hon but I hope you have a wonderful day.



Happy Birthday Ben, it's your 21st so I know you're gonna go celebrate big time this weekend. If you drink your brains out please be safe going home.


Feliz cumpleaƱos mi abuelita preciosa, te falta mucho y te quiero tanto.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

One very long day.

Saturday, I woke up early to drop my parents off at Navy Pier because my father was being recognized for 40 years of dedicated service at his job. The award luncheon was on the Odyssey, so my parents enjoyed a two hour cruise along the lake while they dined and danced. I went home after dropping them off and cooked brunch for the family and got ready for the wedding.

After picking them back up we drove directly to the wedding which was about an hour and a half away. We didn't make the ceremony but we knew ahead of time that we weren't going to because the two events were cutting it very close. We arrived just as my cousin and his new bride were coming out of the church and everyone looked beautiful. After photos we all headed to the reception which was right across the parking lot.

We had a really nice time at the reception despite the 80 year old DJ ;). I have never heard so much Polka and Country music in my entire life. The father of the bride actually got me out on the dance floor to dance country (which I have never EVER done before) thank goodness he was a good lead. I was secretly wishing that the DJ would mess up on the song, like he did with several others, so it would end quicker...but I did ok. The food was excellent, they served fettuccini alfredo (my favorite :D), fried chicken, roasted pork loin, baked mosticcioli, Italian sausage with onions and peppers, seasoned potatoes and salad. All I can say is YUM! They also had some really good Italian beef...this one leads into a funny lil story so ask me about it.

I didn't catch the bouquet but John got the garter without even trying, it sort of just landed on him. He said he saw it coming in slow motion and was waiting for someone to jump up and grab it but no one dared, he's a pretty big guy :P. He and I got to dance one slow song and the rest of the evening I was forced (by a one and a half year old!) to dance to the worst music ever. Every time I went to sit down she'd come over to me and point giving me that disappointed look and she'd say "YOU DANCE" and then she'd point back at the dance floor and grab my fingers and pull me back up. Even as John and I tried to sneak out to get some fresh air she followed me to the door and pulled me back onto the dance floor. She is so lucky she was cute.

As the evening winded down we helped clean up the hall and to fold up the chairs and tables. That's when the DJ started to play some Beatles (YAY!) I danced a few songs, I pulled my cousin up for one and then we gathered everyone up and we all headed to my cousin's house. We stayed til almost 4am then made our way back to the city to drop off my parents and go home. I didn't crawl into bed til 6am!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

When you think about people who are poor who do you think of?

Is it the person who says they can't feed their kids but just two days earlier ordered pizza because they were too lazy to cook? That was probably a few meals worth had they gone to the store and bought groceries. Do you think about the person who whines about not having gas money but just bought a $4 Mocha Grande from Starbucks, that's one gallon of gas to get them to and from work. Is it even the person who tells their child they can't have something they really want because they need to buy cigarettes instead? I sit here shaking my head and think, my goodness what the hell is wrong with these people?

Or is it the person who silently struggles to make ends meet by going to the food pantry to feed their children yet still gives some of that food to other people who are also in need. The person who drives almost an hour to go clean other people's toilets for $6.50 an hour to pay for her son's special inserts for his shoes because he has a problem with his feet? Is it this person?

I've had a few conversations with a friend of mine over the years about poor people in America, he once told me that most poor people CHOOSE to be poor. I was friggen pissed at him for even suggesting such a thing. Why? Well, probably because my family is poor. My grandmother raised 13 kids on welfare most of the time because my grandfather was a whore chasing drunk who was either around or not, depending on who he was sleeping with. My grandmother crocheted doilies by candlelight in the middle of the night when the kids slept to sell so they could get one new outfit once a year. She cooked for other people so that she could buy milk for the babies; she did everything she could to make sure her kids didn't starve.

My father, who is illiterate, supported us on a very small salary, he never took from the system and he never asked for handouts. I remember not having gas to heat our home and my mom boiling water on an electric stove so we could bathe. I remember her making us fried eggs with rice and beans for dinner many nights because they couldn't afford to buy meat. She bought our clothes from the thrift store but washed them and starched cute dresses for me so I looked pretty for school. I remember all these things with sadness, not because it was bad for us because I do remember all the nice things we did, the picnics we had at the lake, us riding our bikes to visit my cousins and my dad buying us Dunkin Doughnuts on Sunday before church.... sad because other people don't know that they can be happy with almost nothing. Knowing firsthand what it means to be poor makes me more sensitive to the needs of people who have less than I do.

At the same time, I can see where my friend is right; so many people who are poor don't have to be. They're so worried about the things that really don't matter. These shoes were so cool I just had to have them, meanwhile they can't pay their light bill. Or...this necklace was just too cute and it's only $20 why not, then complain a few hours later that they can't wash their clothes at the laundrymat because they don't have any money. It irks me...no it more than irks me, it bugs the living shit out of me.

I notice other things too, like how "real" poor people take care of their things while the "wanna be" poor people think, enh, it's trash anyway, I don't care. For years, growing up my mom's best friend washed her sofas by hand every month, scrubbed her carpets by hand, made handmade curtains and maintained her home like it was a palace. You could eat off the floors that's how clean it was. Granted, they weren't the nicest things but it was all she had so she made damn sure she took real good care of them. On the flipside I've seen others treat their home, their belongings like garbage, letting things deteriorate and not even bothering to clean or take care of what little they can afford to have. It's sickening.

What I have come to realize is this...most of the people who complain about being poor are usually the ones who misuse their funds because they are selfish, materialistic and more importantly have no clue about how to prioritize. The ones who are in need the most are the ones you never hear gripe, they try to do with what they have or find a way to get what they need because they realize how hard life really is. These are the people who appreciate everything you do for them, no matter how small.