Friday, March 30, 2007

The LOVE cheeseburger

The other day while driving past the McDonald's across the street from the high school I attended a memory was triggered, don't know what my mom and I were discussing but I giggled out loud and she asked what was funny. I began the story of the LOVE cheeseburger.

I made lots of friends my freshman year, most of which were juniors and seniors because my cousin was a senior. After my cousin graduated as did all his friends I was kind of alone since I hadn't made many friends in my own grade. When Amber got there (she went to the same grammar school but was one year behind) we started to hang out and she became my best friend. We were inseparable, we dressed, talked and even did our hair the same and when we weren't together we were on the phone for hours on end.

Anyway, since she was a freshman while I was a sophomore we didn't know the same people. It was a very big school (roughly 4,000 students). She introduced me to a friend of hers who was in one of her classes, his name is Paul and he was a really great guy. He started hanging out with us at lunchtime and we were like the three musketeers for awhile. I don't remember how exactly, I believe Paul introduced us to Rey but he was a junior and he started hanging out with us, so we became the four amigos. We'd walk across the street and have lunch at McDonald's most days. I always ordered a side salad, diet coke and a cheeseburger. One day, I wasn't very hungry so I cut the cheeseburger into 4 and told everyone they had to eat their share of the LOVE cheeseburger, it became out lil tradition everyday, we thought it was cute.

Eventually, Paul confided in me that he cared for Amber more than just a friend. This normally wouldn't have been a problem except that Rey told me the very same thing. Ughhh, what to do? If that wasn't enough, I had developed very strong feelings for Rey. Talk about craziness huh?

Amber didn't feel anything but friendship for either of them so we were all kinda taking it day by day until it got to the point where Paul just couldn't deal with it anymore and started to distance himself from us. He hung out with other people at lunchtime so one forth of the LOVE cheeseburger ended up in the garbage after that. We all hurt because he wasn't there but we couldn't do anything about it.

One day he walked into McDonald's with his other friends and I called him over, I handed him his part of the LOVE cheeseburger on a napkin and gave it to him. He took it, thanked me and then walked off. None of us talked the rest of our lunch period that day, we were all thinking the same thing I'm sure...why do feelings have to change things, why can't things be back to the way they used to be?

In the meantime, wanting Rey to be happy because I loved him so much, I convinced Amber to give him a chance. This took everything I had to do but she did and he was happy. Of course, I was not so happy but I tried very hard to be. I continued to hang out with them but as you can imagine it was hard. Amber finally figured out how I felt about Rey and it made her uncomfortable (not that I blame her) so our friendship changed.

Rey was kind of wishy washy and made it very difficult for me because he'd say things and do things to lead me on and I just couldn't deal with it anymore so I removed myself from the situation, from my friends. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I was depressed all of junior year, cried a lot and wrote lots of really dark poetry. Senior year was not much better, I went into "I don't give a shit" mode and made really bad choices but it turned out ok.

I think that whole experience was a turning point for me. It's definitely not one of the things I'd go back and change if I could, even as much as it hurt me it made me look at love in a whole new light.

I can smile now when I think of the LOVE cheeseburger.

Thursday, March 22, 2007


It’s late now
Time to sleep
Close your eyes
Go to dreams

Clouds on walls
And blue skies
Mommy’s sun,
her moon, her stars

And you
You make me run
And you
You make me want to live

Your smiles
Well they make my day
You don’t know it yet
But you’re everything

This little song – well
It’s for you
These lovely years
here with you

And you
You make me run
And you
You make me want to live
For you

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

As long as you're happy I'm happy

I've said that a few times in my life and meant it but I knew as I was saying it there was a tiny part of me that wasn't entirely happy.

I can say it right now and feel it as completely and truly as it was meant to be.

This is how much of a retard I really am....

I'm on the phone talking to a friend and mention to her that I'm going to go to the video store to drop off some movies. As she continues talking to me I start gathering my things to go. I put my shoes on, get the movies and check that they're in the cases, grab my purse and keys and then I start looking around for my cell phone. I think to myself, it was just here...where'd it go? Ughhh, so I start retracing my steps, to the kitchen...nope not on the counter, to the living room then back to the dining room to check the china cabinet. Where the hell is it I'm thinking to myself as my friend says "ok, I'll let you go so you can go to the video store" and hangs up. Closing the phone is when I realized I was ON my cell phone. I started to laugh so hard and said "I'm such a retard!" Josh looks at me and asks why so I tell him, he got such a kick out of it.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Happy Birthday Monette

I took my slice the rest is all for you ;). Have a great day out hon and good luck at the casino!