Thursday, April 21, 2005

Pictures of you

Throughout the day I scan through pictures of my life as I think about what tomorrow will bring. I get stuck on a few and stop to remember the feelings.

"I've been looking so long at these pictures of you that I almost believe that they're real."

I sometimes wonder if I were stronger would things have been different? When we want something so bad we believe that it can happen if we just tried a little harder, did something different or if we just said the right words. When it doesn't happen we blame ourselves over and over because it must be something we've done wrong.

"I've been living so long with my pictures of you that I almost believe that the pictures are all I can feel."

I've created such a huge obstacle by just second guessing my heart and doubting what I know are the right choices to make. I find myself hiding behind all the reasons that I've constructed in my mind.

"Screamed at the make believe, screamed at the sky and you finally found all your courage to let it all go."

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

The long and winding road

This year brings lots of change for me so, even though it's April, I can still say it's a new year. (Nope, I wasn't trying to get away from the fact that I haven't posted in a few months :p)

Changes are scary but I'm looking forward to tomorrow in the midst of my feelings of emptiness and fears of consequence.

"Many times I've been alone and many times I've cried. Anyway you'll never know the many ways I've tried."

I'm feeling frustrated alot these days, probably because uncertainty is a constant. I hate feeling the loss of control and that's exactly what this is.

"You left me standing here a long, long time ago."

Now I must find myself, search deep and pull out what was meant to be. This is all I've ever known. I want more than what I've settled for.